Category: Funny Stories

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 AM this morning. Can you believe it? 3 AM! Luckily, I was still up playing my drums.

If a guy replies to you while playing DOTA, then he surely loves you he just died, waiting to respawn for 60 seconds and has nothing else to do.

When a guy calls you hot, he’s looking at your body.

When a guy calls you pretty, he’s looking at your face.

When a guy calls you beautiful, he’s looking at your heart.

* All three guys still wanna f*ck you, though.

Man 1: So Bro, what do you do for living?
Man 2: I kill zombies.
Man 1: But zombies don’t exist.
Man 2: Have you ever seen one?
Man 1: No.
Man 2: Who do you think killed them? 😎

Bankers hate me for telling this secret Wall Street financial tip!!!

How To Save $500,000 In 3 Easy Steps

STEP 1: Buy a $500,000 house.
STEP 2: Change your mind and don’t buy it.
STEP 3: CONGRATULATIONS! You just saved $500,000.

You’re Welcome.

ELEMENT	Woman
SYMBOL	♀
DISCOVERER	Adam
ATOMIC MASS	Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Body surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
2. Boils at absolutely nothing – freezes for no apparent reason.
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. React well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning.
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USE

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can greatly aid relaxation.
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

HAZARDS

1. Turn green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.

Son: Mom, I love you.
Mom: I don’t have any money. Try it with your dad.

* Conversation via online messenger.

Boy: Babe… I miss you.
Girl: Your XBOX broke didn’t it?
Boy: Yep…

* Conversation via online messenger.

Girl: Babe… I think I’m pregnant…
Boy: The AT&T Subscriber Yu Are Trying To Reach Is No Longer In Service.
Girl: YOU KNOW YOU SPELLED “You” WRONG!!!
Boy: The AT&T Subscriber You* Are Trying To Reach Is No Longer In Service.

* Conversation via online messenger.

Boy: Dad… I got my girlfriend pregnant.
Dad: WHAT?!?!?!
Boy: Nah! I’m just kidding. I just failed my Bio exam.
Dad: OH! THANK GOD!!!

* Conversation via online messenger.