Category: Funny Stories

1. Sometimes I am funny.
2. No one will try to steal me from you.
3. You’ll be the good looking one.
4. PLEASE.

A Russian went for an eye check up. The Doctor showed the letters on the board:

CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this?
Russian: Read? I even know the guy. He’s my cousin.

Mooooooooooooooooooooday
Tueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeday
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeednesday
Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuursday
FriSatSun

Alex: FML. Dude, Mom and Dad just told me I’m adopted.
Jake: LOL! I can’t believe they kept that from you! That’s hilarious, thanks God I’m not.
Alex: Jake… we’re twins.
Jake: So?
Alex: Think about it.
Jake: Sh*t…

Male Patient: Doctor, every time I love a woman, my eyes burn. Why?
Male Doctor: I would say, probably because of the pepper spray.

Son: Dad, can I ask a question?
Dad: But you just did.
Son: LOL! Can I ask 2 questions?
Dad: But you already did!
Son: Then, can I ask 4 questions?
Dad: You just did again!
Son: But when?
Dad: Now.
Son: Dad, please…!!!

Mom: Why can’t you be more like your brother?
Son: But Mom, I don’t have a brother.
Mom: Exactly.

Woman: Call us beautiful, not hot. We are woman, not temperature.
Man: Call us handsome, not cool. We are man, not ice cream.

https://youtu.be/Z1Df-YjO8W8

“What do you do for a living?”

“I read. I travel. I love. I laugh.”

“No. How do you earn your bread?”

“Oh, I work. But that’s not living.”