Category: Funny Stories

My Mom used to say, “When you have children …”

Now she says, “If you have children …”

I told my hot coworker how I felt and she felt the same way. Then we turned on Air Conditioner.

Anthony: I left my job today. I couldn’t work for that man after what he said to me.
Me: What did he say?
Anthony: You’re fired.

Lions sleep for
18 hours a day
but Donkey works
for 18 hours a day.

If hardwork is
secret to success,
then Donkey would have been
“The King of Jungle”.

Warning: NC-17

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, “I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said, “I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much.”

The third woman took the $5,000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned $5,000 to the man and re-invested the rest. She said, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”

The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spent the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

It’s not a Sunday
unless you completely
waste it and feel
really sad around 8PM.

Don’t give up on your dreams.

Keep sleeping.

Waitress: What else can I get for the lovely couple?
Girl: Oh, gosh! No. Haha, we are just friends.
Man: You can get us two bills.
Girl: Excuse me?
Man: Don’t forget she had 3 refills as well.

Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where does you parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor’s house.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.

Husband:
Babe, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, left arm broken, multiple facial injuries and they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife:
Who is Sabrina?