Category: Funny Stories

1. The Universe.
2. Human Stupidity.
3. The number of Fast and Furious movies.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, “13… 13… 13…”

The fence was to high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting, “14… 14… 14…”

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and feel glad that you are alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.

When someone asks
if they can fax
me something.

FAX???
Why don’t you just send it
over on a dinosaur?

Man: Hey, morning!!! 😊
Woman: Yup, what are you doing?
Man: Trying to rearrange the alphabet and put U and I together. 😁
Woman: There’s no need for that when N and O are already together.

75% of students are good at Math.

Hmm… I belong to the rest 15%.

Divorce Lawyer: So kid, you wanna live with your dad?
Kid: No, he beats me.
Lawyer: So you want to live with your mom?
Kid: No, she beats me too.
Lawyer: So who do you want to live with?
Kid: A*s*n*l F.C., they never beat anyone.

If it can fly
It should die

My girlfriend is so smart.

I called her from my friend phone and she said, “What’s up honey?”

She already knew I was on the other side.

Woman 1: I just ended a 5 year relationship.
Woman 2: OMG!!! Are you okay?
Woman 1: Yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.