Category: Funny Stories

If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

Dear God,
you gave me childhood,
you took it away.

You gave me youth,
you took it away.

You gave me a wife…
It’s been years now,
just reminding You.

Man 1: So, you have a boyfriend?
Girl: Nope. I have a husband.

Man 1: [Noticed she doesn’t wear a ring.]
Man 2: Dude, don’t ask her the ring thing.
Man 1: Why?
Man 2: You don’t wanna know.

Man 1: [Fuck it] But, I don’t see a ring on your finger?
Girl: Yeah, to troll losers like you! [Walks away]
Man 1: …

Man 2: [Hugs the man] I feel you bro.
Man 1: Thanks, and you are?
Man 2: Her husband.

Moral of the story: Sleep and it will solve all your problems.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.

There is a saying that goes like, “Those who plant dates, do not harvest dates.” That’s because Date Palm trees take 80 to 90 years to bear the fruits.

Once, a young man met an old monk planting dates and asked, “Why are you planting dates if you know you will not harvest them?”

Wisely, the old monk replied with a kind smile on his face, “My son, go eat a fat d*ck. The yard is mine and I plant whatever that f*ck I want.”

Uber Driver: …
Me: …
Uber Driver: …
Me: [5 stars]