Order a pizza and when the delivery guy shows up, act confused and ask who is it for. And when the delivery guys says your name, just say, “ADAM??? Adam doesn’t live here anymore. He died exactly 10 years ago after he ordered a pizza. Is this some kind of sick joke?”
Start crying, take the pizza and close the door before they even get a chance to ask you for the money. Now you have a free pizza. Congratulations.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car.
When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.
But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car.
We all cried, especially me, because the car was from the electricity company. They were there to cut off the electricity. My dad beat the crap out of me again.
Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late to work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: It’s Wednesday?
I don’t need to write that down,
I can remember it.
Yeah, I’l do it tomorrow.
I’m just gonna lie down
for 15 minutes.
I don’t miss her anymore.
Son: Mom, I got suspended from school today.
Mom: For what reason?😠
Son: The teacher asked us, “What do we get from the chicken?” I said eggs.
Mom: Then?
Son: The teacher asked us again, “What do we get from pigs?” And I said bacon.
Mom: Okey, then?
Son: And when she asked, “What do we get from the fat cow?” I said homework.
Here’s the thing about people with good hearts.
They give you excuses when you don’t explain yourself. They accept apologies you don’t give. They see the best in you when you don’t need them to. At your worst, they lift you up, even if it means putting their priorities aside.
The word “busy” does not exist in their dictionary. They make time, even when you don’t.
And you wonder why they’re the most sensitive people. You wonder why they’re the most caring people. You wonder why they are willing to give so much of themselves with no expectation in return. You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well-being. It’s because they don’t make you work hard for the attention they give you.
They accept the love they think they’ve earned and you accepted the love you think you’re entitled to.
Let me tell you something. Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you. Our skies don’t become grey out of no where. Our sunshine does not allow the darkness to take over for no reason. A heart does not turn cold unless it’s been treated with coldness for a while.
Real pain is when you offer someone your food just to sound polite and they say yes and take it.
